T-1 takes on (L)AIM Away Messages

To be fair let me state a few things:

1. I did not come up with the title for this recurring sketch.

2. I didn't even come up with the phrase "recurring stretch".

3. If you are my friend and you're lame away message happens to show up then I'm sorry, I'm not making fun of you and if we really are friends you would know that. And if we aren't friends then ha!

And finally, 4. I'm not trying to make fun of anyone, they kind of brought it upon themselves.

So here we are. First (L)AIM Away Message is from a high school friend who puts a lot of "girly" away messages about finding the right guy and stuff like that, which is fine. That's cool. That's her thing. She's into dudes and being in love, but I'm an equal opportunist and I just had some haterade! (I sound wicked lame! Haterade? Seriously?)

(L)AIM Message: Girls are like apples on trees... The best ones are at the top of the tree. The boys don't want to reach for the good ones because they're afraid of falling & getting hurt. Instead they just get the rotten apples that are on the ground but aren't as good, and are easy. So the apples at the top think that there is something wrong with them, when in reality, they are amazing. That is why we just have to be a little patient & the right boy, the one who takes a chance to find the good, right apple, will come someday...

My new and improved message:

Girls are like apples on trees…they’re all good, so just grab one. Sure you could reach for the top ones, but why bother? There are apples that taste just as good in the middle and bottom. Hell if you’re lucky enough you might even find one on the ground that's good. Little spit-shine, bit o' the old elbow-grease and it’s as good as new. It only rots after its been on the ground awhile, but any self-respecting man will follow the “5-Second” rule and there's no harm in that. The apple that hit Newton (Sir Issac Newton, Genius for those out of the loop) on the head wasn't rotten was it? But it fell to the ground. And that’s where he saw it. And you know what? Gravity! And Physics! And complex things only men have the capacity to understand. In fact, an apple at the top of the tree is most likely to get damaged on the way down. Probably from all the branches that hit it and quit it. And then that apple lands on the ground and no one picks it up until a dirty hobo comes along and says “mmm…crab apple” because honestly if you hit that many branches on the way down you’re bound to get some STD. So screw being patient, find a good apple that is both accessible and fun to look at. It’s probably juicy and tastes great. And remember…any apple is a good apple if you’ve had too much cider.

It's Been A Long, Long Time

So I'm not promising anything. If I come out and promise things I just end up disappointing everyone, including myself. I'm going to do my best to keep up with my blog, maybe 1-2 posts a week. Nothing crazy, but I'm feeling creative and I was told to post some things. So I'm going for round 2 (really it's round 3 but who's counting?)

Clip of the Week

I already put up my SNL CLip of the week, but I like this cliup from the same episode so much I decided to make it my clip of the week.

SNL Clip of the Week

Each week I will find an SNL clip, whether new or old, and put it up. I did two clips of the week in the past and they were both SNL clips so I have decided to do both SNL and non-SNL clips of this week.

This weeks SNL clip of the week is from this past weekend. The Rock was the host and this was one of my favorite sketches in the show.

Artist of the Month

Music will now be on Mondays

U2

This month the new artist of the month is U2! I know what you're thinking. Did you do this because they just released their new album last week and the answer is a not-so-surprising...yes! I saved them for this month because of the release of the new album. I haven't yet purchased the new album but I have heard all the songs and I enjoy a fair a mount of them. it's not my favorite album, but there are certain songs that are favorite classics. Without going too much into who they are, I want to point out that they're a couple of boys from the land of Eire who rock (and roll) better than almost everyband out there! and they've been doing it for over 20 years. With Larry Mullen, Jr. on drums, Adam Clayton on bass, The Edge on guitar and backing vocals and the legendary Bono singing lead and guitar as well, they are one of the most well put-together bands of the late 20th century and early 21! They are one of my favorite bands and have the staying power of such greats as The Beatles, The Rolling Stones and Aerosmith. This month I will feature a new song and older song each week.

My first new song, from the new album No Line on the Horizon is the single "Get On Your Boots". It's a different song, for me, as I'm not the most devoted fans and I love the grungy/pop punk-ish vibe I get from the song. I couldn't get a good version of the music video so I have a live version form the Brit Awards 2009.

My choice for the first older song is my personal favorite by U2 is "Sweetest Thing". This song has always had a special place in my heart and it still does. Released as a single, and reportedly an apology to Bono's wife for forgetting her birthday during the Joshua Tree sessions, it is one of those songs that I really wish I wrote about someone. I have a Lego version of the music video and I think it's genius.

Sports Through My Glasses

Brief note...I have changed the title of this weekly post on the sports world from "Sports Through Glasses" to "Sports Through My Glasses".

To start off this week or so in sports I thought I would talk about 3 (three) huge transactions in the Patriots realm. Our beloved New england Patriots have traded Matt "Not-Quite-Tom-Brady-But-Still-Damn-Good-And-I-Wish-His-Name-Was-Castle" Cassel and Mike Vrabel, who, for now, actually lives in my hometown, as most people reading this would know anyway. Vrabel and Cassel were traded to the Cheifs for a second-round draft pick. I guess there comes a time when you see good players you like go, but this raises the question, do I root for the Cheifs now? No. Sorry for even asking. Good luck to Vrabel and Cassel. Go Pats! (and to a lesser degree Go Jags!)

Speaking of the Jaguars, they're all-time rushing leader, Mr. Fred Taylor, has been signed by our beloved Patriots and I couldn't be happier. Not that Morris, Green-Ellis, Maroney and Faulk couldn't get it done last year. They did a great job. But throwing in a veteran back like Taylor should really help our run game and I'm giddy at one of my favorite players not on the Pats now on the Pats. Go Pats!

Spring training for the Sox is happening folks! The White Sox are in spring training. But I don't care about them. However, the Red Sox are also in sping training, way down in the Grapefruit League in Florida. So far we've seen some good pitching by many players, especially Justin Masterson and Clay Buchholz. Though only 2-4 at the time of writing, they seem to be doing well, and with a couple players headed to the World Baseball Classic (such as AL MVP Dustin Pedroia and AL MVP 2nd runner-up Kevin Youkilis) many of the younger players will have a chance to shine and earn the last covetted roser spot for hitters.

Did I just mention the World Baseball Classic (WBC)? Why, yes. Yes I did. This year seems to be a good one with a great number of MLB players in the classic, including Roy Oswalt, Brian McCann, Derek Jeter, Ryan Braun and the aforementioned Pedroia and Youkilis for Team USA. Other players involved with other teams include Dice-K, Ortiz, A-Rod, Pudge and many other players. The first game is Thursday between Japan and China. Team USA's first game is Saturday at 2pm, and they'll be taking on Jason Bay and Team Canada.

Geoff Ogilvy beat Paul Casey this weekend at the Accenture Match Play Championship this past weekend. In what was an extremely difficult round, Ogilvy came out on top after making his way past all the other players out there. I am a fan of Match Play. It's kind of exciting to watch.

I also want to say, yeah Tom Brady for getting married. WR Houshmanzadeh was picked up by the Seahawks and I can't wait for two things. The NFL draft and...my fantasy Baseball Draft. I'll keep you updated, don't worry.

Finally, 2 NFL players (Corey Smith and Marquis Cooper) and 2 former college football players (Nick Schuyler and William Bleakley) went out for a fishing trip off of Clearwater, FL the other day and their boat was capsized by waves. All of the men were able to get lifevests but three of the men were seperated from the boat. Thankfully, Nick Schuyler was found on the hull of the capsized boat, but the other three men are still at sea. After 18 hours in the water hypothermia becomes a major risk in cold water. The Coast Guard continues to look for them, but the probability of finding these men, never mind alive, goes down with each hour. From my own training I know that you can only survive so long without food, water and sleep. Without these three things it is very difficult to survive, even on land. Hopefully these three men are found, and soon. My thoughts and prayers go out to their families.

That's it for me today. Tune in next week for a new edition of Sports Through My Glasses.

I'm Back!

Sorry about my little departure from the blog early on. Though what am I thinking, there's only one or two of you reading this anyway. Anywhozawhatzits (yeah i said anywhozawhatzits), just thought I'd say I am back and I am going to be updating regularly, again. Look for my weekly sports update Tuesday, the new artist of the month on Wednesday, and a blog post either Thursday or Friday. Have a good one person/people.